life relationship

5 WAYS TO BOUNCE BACK FROM REJECTION

I took pride in my ability to be on top of every decision I made. Even before I became a believer,  when I got tired of a relationship, I called it off. When I attended any interview for a job I really wanted, all of the time, I got called back. I was the one who would resign when I was fed up with a job. Getting fired was not something I ever thought of. Calling the shots was what I loved to do. 
Then it happened to me. Out of the blues, I came face to face with rejection. I don’t want to bore you with the details but right before my eyes, a man I saw a future with and I cared deeply about, looked me in the eyes and declared he no longer had any interest in me. Holy Moses! Every part of my being almost collapsed.
 How could this happen to me? All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind. This was the unsympathetic Ife who would get so pissed off when a lady cries from a heart break because in her mind, she’d be like, ‘abegi, throw that guy one side and move on!’ 
It didn’t occur to me that pains could run deep when you have made a decision to stay committed,when you had given him the cold shoulder at first but along the line, a strong affection for him had developed. When you have pushed every man aside because you were sure you had found the right one. 
For the male folk, it’s easy to move on, but it’s tougher for a female. I remember advising a friend who wanted to come clear with his disinterest in another lady who was obviously very crazy about him, I remember giving him tips on how to approach her without making her feel less than a human. Because for the female, the rejection is not just the issue, her identity and esteem will be affected and this I think is because men are naturally the chasers and women the receivers. 
There is one thing you probably don’t know about rejection especially if you are the redeemed of the Lord. Nothing happens by chance. The withdrawal by that person may be God protecting you from trouble. God may have been showing you signs that He is not in support of that relationship but your emotions may have prevented you from hearing him and the only way he could speak very loud is by intervening before you do something stupid. 
 If it’s your past that has made that brother go cold, trust me when I say God who has cast your transgression into the sea of forgetfulness knows how to connect you to the person who sees the new you. 
At other times, it could be that God wants to work something out in you first and that pruning process must happen before any emotional engagement. Whatever it is, if you are wholly submitted to God, be assured that He has the best in mind for you. 
So how do you move on and grab your life back? 

1. Know this basic fact: Rejection is just a feeling.

Let me say this quickly. You cannot control how a person treats you but you can determine whether you will allow his reaction keep you down. The power is in your hands. Will you listen to the thoughts that whispers, ‘you are not enough?’ or will you remind yourself of your real identity and focus on the future? 

Rejection should not define you. However, you can give it the permission to do so by listening to those negative thoughts. Rejection is just a feeling. It is not who you are. It feeds on your thoughts and grows unless you arrest it, learn from it and push it aside.

You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood. You are wonderfully and marvelously made. You are precious in the sight of God. There is a wonderful person out there who will accept and love you for who you are because God’s love has been shed abroad in his heart. You have been bought with a price.

Do you believe that?

Sit back and take a look at yourself. How does God sees you? It’s going to be a fight to keep those thoughts under. For some, the healing process is faster  and for others, it’s a serious battle, depending on the personality and level of emotional attachment.

I have learnt that the best way to fight is to feed on God’s word. Get into the scriptures and fill your mind with scriptures centered on God’s love and your identity in Christ.

2. Learn from your mistake and move on.

Many times, there is always something to learn when things happen to us. Don’t be so carried away by your emotional distraught that you forget to reflect on the lessons from that break-up.

If possible, ask God to show you hidden lessons from your experience. There are people who, from such experience, have been taught how to control their emotions. Others have understood that compromising your stand to please a man is not worth it, that apart from the stain it leaves on your conscience, it is also not a proof that the man in question will stay true to you after you give in to his demands.

Some have learnt the danger of emotional attachments borne out of assumptions and others have gained maturity through those terrible experiences. Some again have understood the importance of not clinging to a man too tightly as if your life depends on him. Some other have learnt to trust God for the best and to rise above pain and hurt.

Be grateful for the lessons because it has made you a better person. Forgive yourself and move on with your life.

3. Act mature even if you don’t feel it.

In the first few weeks or months after the news hit you hard, your mind may probably be so disorganised that all you want to do is beg, rant or vent your feelings on the other person. You may not be able to think straight. Emotions can be powerful like that.

 It’s worse if you wear your emotions on your sleeve. You may have done some stupid things like, calling him to tell him how much you care about him or pleading with him to take you back. This is a normal occurrence if you are confused and your mind is in a tumor. But as time goes on, you will have to learn to deal with your pain in your bedroom or cry to your friends.

No matter how much it hurts, you can control those feelings instead of acting in a way that puts you out as an obsessive person.

 It hurts really hard, I know but one way of getting over the hurt is not by making matters worse. If you have the tendency to do something spontaneous that you would regret, find a way to cut off any form of contact. Delete the lady’s contacts. Make sure that man’s pictures are deleted from your phone, clear those sweet chats from whatsapp, unfriend him if seeing his posts on facebook reminds you of what should have been.  Do anything to keep you sane.

Again, one mistake some believers make is this. They keep reminding themselves of the scriptures they received as per ‘convictions’ and they get depressed and disturb his friends to know if he is still thinking about them or if he has found someone else. This will keep you unproductive when the other party has moved on with his life.

Make up your mind first to let it go. Fine, it’s possible that in the nearest future, he will realise and come back, but stop letting that fill your thoughts. You will only give yourself headache for nothing. Right now, what you need is a mind that’s emotionally stable to see what’s ahead. Even if you have ten scriptures to confirm your leading, remember that it takes two to make a great relationship.

4. Get busy.

This is one of the fastest ways to bring an end to that pain. Idleness is the fuel that fans the fire of your pain. Find something you love to do and bury yourself into it. The painful thoughts may still show up when you get into bed at night but gradually you will get over it.

If you can travel out of your location and have fun with friends, by all means do. It’s a myth to think the pain will remain forever. It can if you keep torturing yourself with it.

5. Trust God.

This may seem difficult especially at that early stage of the breakup. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. Let your thoughts and your mind be full of God’s Word. Let God’s Word wash away bitterness and resentment. Be filled with joy and hope again. Learn to ride on faith rather than on your feelings.

 Keep asking God to strengthen your faith. Talk to God about your feelings whether or not you think he hears. Be opened to Him. Ask him to heal your wounded heart.

 When that healing occurs, be ready to listen to all he plans to teach you concerning your future. While it is okay to be careful about other proposals, don’t close your mind and get into your shell. God still has his daughters and sons scattered everywhere and he will lead you to one.

…And we know that all things work for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.

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