One certain time in my life, I believed so strongly that I would never again see an x-rated video,masturbate or make sex calls.
Then shortly afterwards,the urge paid me a visit.
Rubbish, how can I fall.
It began to tickle me, asking me to take a look one more time. Now, by this time, I had deleted any movie that has even a little as a scene of deep romance and things that served as triggers.( I’ll talk about triggers later on). Yet, I found a way to find a video. How I navigated my way to the forbidden fruit, I can’t remember, but again, it happened, and masturbation followed.
Guilt. Depression. Frustration. Helplessness.
I was tired of always running back to God and asking for forgiveness. Even after I did, I didn’t feel I was forgiven. I lay on my bed, sick and tired of my Christian life.
Then something happened. Jesus came to speak with me. I didn’t see Him physically, but we spoke. Our spirits connected so deeply. See the details of our meeting below;
Someone tapped me. I looked up.
JESUS: Let’s sit over there (He said, pointing at a concrete slab, few feet away. We sat down. He stretched out His hand) What’s the matter?
ME: (teary) This Christian race is hard. I thought when I surrendered my life, everything will be rosy. I thought grace will keep me from going down the old path. I was just playing with my phone when I had the urge to visit one useless site. I said I wouldn’t, but the more I fought it, the stronger the urge to view it. I finally gave in. Then I masturbated afterwards. Why Lord? Why can’t I do everything right, every time?
JESUS: (clears throat): Listen to me. You were saved to remain connected to me. It was when you stopped drawing from me that you began to faint. You speak of grace like it’s a different entity from me. I am the embodiment of grace. When you stepped away from me, you stepped away from Grace.
My eyes remained focus on Jesus. He touched my shoulder.
JESUS: You are in a sinful world and your old habit still roam around. They miss their old apartment and it bothers them that they’ve been pushed out without their consent. You must draw from me, if you will stay away from everything I hate. When you become disconnected from me, the source of fullness of grace, you will wither. You will dry up very fast.
Jesus stands up.
JESUS: You have my words. You can talk to me anytime, any day. Just make sure you don’t lose connection with me anymore and you’ll do just fine.
….Abide in me and I in you, as a branch cannot bear fruit of itself except it abide in the Vine, no more can ye except ye abide in me. John 15:4.
…But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst…John 4:14.
There is a fountain flowing. A place where your thirst for pornography, masturbation, sexting ends. It is only at the fountain that your thirst for sinful desires can be quenched. Once you step away from that fountain, your old desires will return.
That Fountain is Jesus.
By regularly staying in His presence, studying God’s word, maintaining a consistent prayer life, fellowshipping with like-minded believers, you obtain strength to say No.
It is good to confess who you are in Christ, it is wonderful to throw away those videos, put a filter block on your laptop, tear those magazines…but I tell you, you may still find yourself falling into it again, if you ignore your devotion with Christ.
If you have fallen again, sit and reflect on your walk with God. How often do you spend time with God?
You cannot expect to see significant transformation, when you spend 10 hours in a day before the TV and 10 minutes with him. It will also not work when you pray and study on a Saturday morning and for the rest of the week, you do not give Him time. Once in a blue moon hot devotion will not solve this.
You cannot come to the fountain to drink and drink for one day, and then leave till another week or month. It is as we continually behold His word that we are transformed into His image.
Your faith, strength comes by hearing and knowing the revealed truth of God’s word. Until you leave this world, you will continue to be tempted..and the tempter will not come through a path that doesn’t move your flesh. It’s easier for him to puncture your scars.
If you notice that when you began to take your relationship with Christ, the urge still overpowers you sometimes, don’t stop the journey. Keep your eyes on Christ, obey whatever the Holy Spirit tells you. Be sensitive and discerning. Gradually, your mind will finally understand what your spirit has received. It will come to realise that your body is dead to sin.
Keep your devotion time creative. Get music, Christian Literatures, sermons, different translation, a study Bible etc…Keep your communion with God interesting.
If you have just been sitting beside the fountain, stand up! Drink! Get refreshed. Let your belly become a river that that flows non-stop.
Today, ask God for grace to remain in the fountain. Tell Him to help you keep your mouth opened to the great Fountain.
There is a fountain. Come and drink.