Grandma flipped through the journal and stopped at the page that had 27th June on it. I sighed as I read those words again.
Today, I made a decision to follow Jesus. He’s given me a reason to live. I can’t explain how I feel right now, but I just want to know him more. I want Him to lead me every step of my way. I don’t know what’s ahead, but I will trust him because I believe he will never fail me.
‘Grandma, Jesus has failed me.’ I was crying. ‘He allowed me walk into a bad marriage.’
‘Jesus did not make the choice for you. You did. His place is to lead and the choice to follow his leading depends on you. wait a minute, who said ‘Yes’ to Peter’s proposal?’
‘He should have shown me that I was marrying a cruel man.’
‘Girl, don’t conclude so hastily. How can you call Peter cruel. Agreed, he pushed you to the wall but I’m sure he regrets his actions.’
‘I wish you were there when he told me I was lucky to have married him. How can God give me a man like him? That’s cruel.’
My phone rang. Wale. I ignored it. Grandma maintained her gaze on me.
‘Do you still love the Lord?’
‘I don’t know.’
Grandma placed her hands on mine. ‘I’ll suggest you pray-‘
‘No way, Grandma. Don’t ask me to create a room and pray for Peter. I’m not in for that war room rubbish. I’m not fighting for any marriage’
‘I have no intention of asking you to fight or pray for your marriage. I’m not asking you not to divorce your husband. That decision is yours to make. All I’m pleading with you is to let us use the few days you have together to grow in our relationship with Jesus. Remember Elizabeth’s words when she finally realised she couldn’t change her husband? You are Christ’s before that marriage to Peter. I’m concerned more about you and your relationship with Chirst.
‘What exactly are you driving at?’
‘ I want us to study God’s word together everyday for the time you’ll be here. I promise that throughout our study time and prayer, we shall not mention Peter’s name.’
I sighed. The idea my granny was placing seemed interesting.
It’s been a long time since I studied the Bible. I have missed it and I was looking forward to sitting with Grandma and sharing scriptures together like many years ago.
I nodded my head. ‘Deal.’
‘We start tomorrow with Romans 6.’
We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin.
How I loved Romans 6:6. It had been our motto in the house. We’d sung, rhymed and danced with it when I first surrendered my life to Christ.
At dawn, we commenced our study. As we read the chapter from different versions, my heart stopped. I discovered how far from the Lord I had gone and I couldn’t hold back mg tears.
For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under the law but under grace.
I placed my head on the table and wept. Grace was all I could mutter. I wanted the bitterness and resentment that had dug deep into my heart to go away.
For sin shall have no dominion over me, because I am under the grace of God, I muttered continously.
That verse became our song that day. We said it before lunch and dinner, while walking down the street to see Shewa, a pregnant teenager whom Grandma had picked from the street.and before I lay down to sleep.
That night I had a dream. I was standing under a fountain enjoying a cold refreshing bath. I didn’t want to be anywhere else and I was sad when Grandma woke me up for our morning devotion. We finished that chapter and moved to Colossians. I was enjoying every bit of it.
On the fourth day, I woke up with a strange feeling. Peter began to fill my thoughts. I imagined him cuddling me and whispering sweet nonsense to my ears. There was a deep longing to see him, to tell him how much I loved him. I sprang to my feet, and paced up and down. I was restless. Where was the hatred, the bitterness and disgust that consumed me whenever thoughts of the past flashed through my mind? I was very upset.
This cannot be happening to me.
Grandma’s phone rang. I rush to give her the phone when I remembered she would have gone for the medical outreach. My eyes caught the caller ID. I stopped, shocked. I was still holding the phone when a message popped up. I opened it and read the content. Then I read more messages.
I couldn’t believe that Grandma and Peter had been making plans to win my heart back to my husband. How could she be conniving with him by organising prayer calls without informing me?
So thiswhole study thing was tailored at softening my resolve?
That is not going to happen.
Doyin was washing clothes in front of the house when I marched out of the house.
‘When Grandma returns, tell her I’ve gone back to Lagos.’
I drove out of the compound, without an idea of where I would lay my head for the couple of weeks before I rented my own apartment.
Photo Credit: Internet.
Episode 11 comes next…this weekend…