life

9 LESSONS I LEARNT FROM BEING SINGLE

Many birthdays have come and gone and just few days ago, I celebrated another one. The waters of life have not succeeded in wiping ashore the stones I kept as I trod those paths. I’m going to share 9 stones with you…nuggets I have learnt in my years as a single lady.

1. I am whole

The first time I had any serious relationship was when I was 19. It was not a ‘date me I leave you’ kind of relationship. We were looking forward to getting married and spending the rest of our lives together at the end of my study. At that time, the idea of marriage was quite fascinating and I had begun to imagine the romance that came with it- the cuddling, play time with kids, adventure, exploration.. Innocently naive abi?

Few months into the relationship, some things began to happen. I would get so possessive of my bae and would become mad whenever I saw him laughing or talking with any lady on campus. At that time too, I was beginning to figure out what to do with my life, and my law degree wasn’t making sense to me anymore…so I had battles raging in my mind.

 When we broke up, I moved to another relationship and when that didn’t work, I tried another, and moved in and out of small small flings like that. I was a very confused being…I didn’t believe I could ever be normal outside a relationship or when I didn’t have a man to call ‘my fiance’. But I did. I gave my unhealthy attachments up and gradually I began to understand my life and my purpose…

Finding wholeness became a driving force and It’s been one great secret to my happiness ever since. I have discovered that it is difficult to feel good and enjoy your life as single if you have nothing to look forward to. True understanding of your completeness and wholeness starts from discovering why you are on this earth. I’m positive that when I finally get married, I’ll be bringing a complete ‘ife’ to the union and not a dysfunctional lady with nothing to offer. 

2. Anxiety is a waste of time.

When I turned 23, I was desperate to get married. One incident comes quickly to mind. I joined a local assembly set with the mind of getting ‘the will of God.’ A brother became nice amd friendly to me and that really thrilled me. I began to disturb God, to search for scriptures that I could use to back up my feelings for this brother. I got a text from someone who bore the same name as my ‘will’. Chei, I was so happy. My heart soared. This is the sign, I exclaimed. Until I discovered the text had come from someone else from the church… I was clearly devastated.

So I learnt.

Becoming desperate to find a partner is very dangerous. It will, in most cases, lead you to make bad decisions. The worst time to pray about someone you are having feelings for, is when you are anxious. Until you are relaxed, you will keep hearing what you want to hear. Get busy. Relax and enjoy your time. Pour your heart into something you love.

3. I am beautiful. 

Take a second and look at the picture up there. What do you see? Nothing? OK, I see a beautiful lady-beautiful in spirit and in body. She is gracious and intelligent. How can ife-grace not exude beauty when Christ lives in her? I have learnt that the way I see myself will influence how others see me.

Someone looked at me and regarded me as ‘a defeat’  because I had had a rough past. I went home depressed, thinking and affirming what has been said about me. Nah, it’s not happening again. There is something about Ife-grace. She is talented. She can write. She has great creative imaginations. She is physically endowned. (Yeah, curves in the right places), she has the capacity to love. When she gets married, her spouse is going to be super proud he didn’t let her go. Yeah, She breathes grace.

4. I have fields to conquer. 

I really wish you can take a peep into this big head of mine. It’s filled with so many ideas. Even as a single lady, I have begun to see them come into realisation. I remember sitting on my bed with my laptop in front of me and making plans, revising them, slotting in more strategies. I do not have to wait for a wedding to begin to see my dreams come to reality.

5. Friends are priceless. 

I have great friends, I must confess. Friends with the eyes of an eagle. Friends who do not pull me down by making me feel less of a person. Friends who push me to pursue more, to take risks, to leave my comfort zone. I have friends who are married too…and they give me beautiful stories of what goes on in there…the sacrifices, the pleasure, the companionship, the ways they’ve balanced career and family life. There is nothing like having friends with like passion. Friends in whom Christ has the center place.

6. God comes first. 

I have to come to a point where I realise that my relationship with God matters more than anything else. I am beginning to understand that when I give Jesus first place in my life, every other area gets settled. I see him taking care of every aspect of my life. Christ is at the center of everything I do.

7. My scars are stories too.

I stumbled on this quote on Pinterest.

‘My scars tell a story. They are a reminder of when life tried to break me, but failed.’

I have learnt never to stay in the past. I have encountered pains, wounds, injuries, disappointments, despair, discouragement, fear but they have only made me stronger and firmer in my convictions.

I have learnt not to allow people determine my happiness.

I have learnt to cease from comparisons and to realise that every man has his race to run.

My stories are in my scars…

8. God still leads. 

Some years ago, a man looked at me and said, ‘will God send husband to you from heaven?’ I wish He could…lol… No matter how traditional it may seem, I strongly believe God leads. It doesn’t have to come by a thunderous voice or in a dream, it also does not have to come by trial and error or by merely scrutinizing the faces of handsome gentlemen and ladies.

 Relying on God and allowing Him guide us as singles will help us greatly because it is God who knows the present and future state of any man. 

This scripture has always brought so much comfort to me.

...I will instruct you in the way you should go, I will guide you with my eyes. Psalm 32:8.

9. Marriage is beautiful. 

The mother to a very handsome boy said this;

‘In marriage, we learn, relearn and unlearn.’

I look forward to experiencing the challenges, sacrifices, pleasure(wedding night on my mind *winks*) and beauty in this great institution. But before that time, I want to take charge, waka upandan, grab opportunities and enjoy everything this phase has to offer

…because being a single is cooler than cucumber…

Happy birthday to me.

64 thoughts on “9 LESSONS I LEARNT FROM BEING SINGLE”

  1. Hi Ife,
    These lessons you shared are indeed inspiring. True beauty and fulfillment indeed radiates when Christ is in you and not in any sense by the world's definition of it. I'm sure, in God's perfect time, that Godly man will show up. Do invite us *smiles* But till then, keep shinning… Thank you.

  2. hummmm.. someone gave me a link to this blog… Every article i have read, gives me a better understanding of who God wants me to be. Sis, believe me when i say, we are alike.. The way you think, the challenges you faced even your stature.. lol… I thank God i met you (even if its just your blog) and i hope i meet you physically one day. I am also a writer whose focus is on relationships… Nice write ups sis.. keep it up… God is your strength.. More insights from above, more stories to imagine and write down based on Gods leading. amen.

  3. Gracie !!. Lovely piece tho' i couldn't expect lesser than this, papa & mama praying & watching to see a great woman emerge through you.

  4. Aww, write up from the heart. Happy birthday Sis. Ife-Grace.
    The Lord has got big things in store for you. You keep encouraging me.God bless. Hope to meet you one day in person. πŸ™‚

  5. You are wonderful. Thank God you are His and He has got great plans for your life. Remain blessed and keep your virtues. Happy Birthday dear sis.

  6. I can relate to this. You just nailed it! We got to keep enjoying what this phase of life has got in store. God bless you plenty!

  7. May God grant the desire of your heart and wipe you secret tears away. Your writeup touched my mind. It made me feel like I am in your skin.

  8. Wow this is actually good. I love the part of scars telling stories. Yh, those scars bring back our struggles and wins. It gives a clear evidence to the younger generation, of mistakes made while young. And the wise man won't dare to measure the depth of this life with his life.
    The saying, "In marriage we learn, relearn and unlearn"……..says what marriage is all about. An anxious mind does not notice an opportunity to learn.
    Nice one, keep the good work up.

  9. Great lessons to learn indeed! when waiting becomes obvious, it is an evidence of how important and great the results ahead are, valuables are not acquired so easily, it cost sweat and effort. Ife, I can reiterate that you are beautiful in and out, it does not matter what the past look like, the path of the righteous shines brighter. I see your due season closer than your imagination, your day of celebration is nigh, when you are due, you can not be denied, and because God is your Father, the best is reserved for you. one more time I celebrate you dear Ife and I say congratulations for success yet to be celebrated. Always remember that your Father owns it all.

  10. U r absolutely correct, u r beautiful, charming, intelligent, truthful n on top of it all God fearing in d real sense of d word.
    One thing I have noticed n come to like about u is ur sincerity. Keep it up. I'm not flattering u n I mean every single word.
    I have come to love u n I sincerely love u. Give my Hugs to dad n mercy

  11. It is really good to be single in Christ till God send His will.

    This is a very nice write up. Happy birthday to you dear. Age gracefully. Cheers!

  12. She is physically endowned. (Yeah, curves in the right places)

    Wink wink

    😁😁😁

    challenges, sacrifices, pleasure(wedding night on my mind *winks*

    Three more winks

    Lol.

    This is a powerful piece. Hmmm

    The scars part is soooo me, I doubt you wrote that for anyone else.

    Soooooo mush love 😍😍😍😍😍

  13. Lady #Ifegracedada,
    Your life has been a challenge, am in love with your simplicity &transparency. The TRUTH draws me to you dear sist. I LOVE YOU DEARIE. I'LL SAY THIS OVER& OVER AGAIN.
    GOD BLESS YOU SUPREMELY &KEEP YOU IN HIS TRUTH ALWAY. AMEN .

  14. you are indeed thΓ© handmaid of God,more grace,more love on tour heart,more ideas in your Brain and more wisdom from above. i really appreciate this write up. God bless you so much.

  15. Awesome write up, you are truly beautiful inside out and exude same, so glad I have met you. Happy Birthday Dear and keep being God's masterpiece

  16. I have to drop a comment here.
    Even though I don't really know what to say than to encourage you to keep t fire burning. You are a rear gem, when I will finally come, he wil meet a whole Ife and find good things and obtain that favour from the Lord.wil stop here for now
    Happy birthday in arrears

  17. Awesome Dearie. I'm glad about the woman you have become.

    Bring single is a rare gift. Sometimes, I spend time daydreaming about my wedding night. Sometimes, I'm tempted to be anxious when my friends are getting married.

    But I have learnt to trust God with the details of my life. Until He brings my man, I won't stop exploring God's giftings in me.

    I love you plenty. Happy birthday once more. Trust me, you are beautiful!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *