Fifteen years ago, It never would have crossed my mind that one day I would write a book or open a beautiful site like this or have lots of people telling how much inspired they have been by my articles. I was just a very young girl trying to make sense of her life.
How did I come to this point in my life?
The first time I ever picked up a pen to write anything was when I was in primary three. I’ll never forget that day. I was sitting at the dining table flipping through one of my English textbooks. Now my usual habit at this time was to devour every comprehension passage in my English textbooks before the commencement of a new session. The days of Macmillan English texts with stories like:
‘….Edet lives in Calabar, he is eight years old.’
‘…This is Ali, Ali is Simbi’s brother.’
The picture of Agbo sitting on his bed and looking at his wristwatch…
Who remembers Mr Nwosu in ‘Mr Nwosu on Christmas day. The obese man who held two fat hens while his wife stirred a pot of rice.
Raise your hand if you read any of these beautiful stories in primary school?
Back to my story, on this particular day, I picked up this English textbook and as I flipped through the book, I stumbled on a page that had a list of idiomatic expressions. ‘Look before you leap.’ caught my attention. Something in me came alive. I grabbed a pencil and a notebook and began to scribble down a story that had popped into my head. I cannot remember writing anything again after that time until I got into the secondary school and then I stopped again and continued later and stopped until about five years ago when I began to write again but this time with a purpose in mind.
Two years into my law program, I began to pen down my own plans. I wanted to be a wealthy businesswoman. At 300level, I had begun to read businessday newspapers, bought books on entrepreneurship, joined a network for prospective business owners, attended seminars by business gurus, stopped studying for my law degree.
While my mates were sitting for hours in the law library, I would be in my room, mapping out business plans, devouring business books, watching episodes after episodes of the apprentice(the apprentice is a reality show for business minds sponsored by Donald trump). Few weeks to exam, I’d hurry to the common room and cram law principles and cases and then vomit them into my exam answer sheets and afterwards forget everything.
I wanted to own places like McDonalds, be among the top women entrepreneurs in the country, have chains of supermarkets and build consultancy firms. Pursuing a writing career was the last thing on my mind. Shortly before I completed my final exams, I dedicated my life completely to Christ and so in law school, I began to follow Jesus more closely and a strong desire to know exactly what assignment God wanted me to get involved in developed in my heart.
This is what I have come to discover. When you begin to build a relationship with God, the things you hold so dearly will give way. Are you confused about what you want to do with your life? Give time to the study of the Word and prayers. You may not gain clarity in the first few days of seeking God for direction, but as you keep trusting God, Light will begin to flood your heart and you will know just what you have to do.
The first thing the Lord did in my journey into discovering His purpose was to pull down the crave to make mad money. It was replaced with a strong desire to affect the body of Christ. In relating with Him, I found my well laid out plans replaced with His. I struggled but the more I sought to pursue my own thing, the more dissatisfied I became.
When your Flesh comes under the dominion of the Spirit, you will begin to connect with the path God wants you to follow. The burden will be so real and strong. We will begin to see the foolishness in comparing ourselves with others.
The first few months after I began to seek the Lord for direction, I didn’t clearly understand what God was putting in my heart. At this time, I wasn’t even writing anymore but gradually a strong passion for telling stories began to grow. But first God needed to bring me to a point where I would come to realize that my responsibility was first to Him and not to the talents I may possess.
Years have rolled by and many times, I have been depressed and confused even though I have an idea of what I want to do with my life. The truth is that, sometimes, even when you know what to do and you are aware of the path to take, you may find yourself wondering if it isn’t your mind playing games with your future…God will not show you the full picture from the beginning. You have to learn to walk with whatever He releases per time. On such days when anxiety seem to consume your mind, let this scripture minister to your heart.
Thou will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee because he trusts in thee.
I have not seen the big picture yet, but I am following and taking hold of the little that I know. I have watched my high and lofty dreams become shattered for His dreams and I am gradually finding contentment.
Do you know what a solid relationship with God does to us? It makes us realize that our journey on earth is all about Him and nothing about us. If He desires that I stop writing, It is my place to trust him for the next step. Some persons have taken the means for destination. Some are holding on to pieces in the valley when God is already ahead calling them to the mountain top.
Walking in the divine purpose is beautiful with lots of rewards. We want to be able to appear before God and give wonderful accounts of what we used our lives for-whether for our self will or for His purpose, whether we took hold of His hand and allowed Him walk the journey with us in line with His blue print or we pulled away and faced our own agenda.
Dear child of God, develop a deep relationship with God and you will never have to walk this life confused.