They couldn’t understand why I was so relaxed about marriage issues especially as suitors kept coming and I hadn’t given a positive answer yet.
I was something of an enigma to them, so right there I lay on the bed smiling as they planned what to do about my condition. Before they laid the matter to rest, they concluded that they would pray and probably fast for God to put the willingness and desire to love in my heart.
Do I want to get married? Oh yes!
But not by boju boju where I might end up making an irreparable choice. Neither was I going to sit at a spot whining over who got married before me or who hasn’t.
If only they know that I have not always been like this. That for a couple of years I have been soaked in anxiety over whom to marry. That I had made mistakes, moved from one relationship to another and that I had come to a point where I just surrendered.
Nobody also knew the fear that gripped me every time I remembered that by consummation of this institution, my independence would be stripped off me. I battled with the fact that I was going to wake up beside a man for the next forty years or more and it was my duty to stay put even after the excitement and thrills dissipates and boredom set in.
Those were the areas God had to churn out of my life. Fear and anxiety.
Let me say something at this point. Most times, what you think is delay is God working in you because at the stage you are now, if He channels any of His children towards your end, the result will be disastrous. Now, this doesn’t mean that it is until you are perfect before you get a leading. However, God is your father, and He knows the end from the beginning.
For me, Patience was one of the fruit of the Spirit that took many years for me to learn. I mean I was anxious about everything.
But I have learnt that worry does not change a thing and in fact, most of the blessings I received came after I had let go of worrying over the issue. It was when I began to really trust God that surprisingly, God worked things out.
In many cases, God would have to allow delay so that He can teach us to trust Him, because without that trust, we cannot please God. Only when we have learnt to submit our struggles to him will we understand certain things.
But we are humans, and worrying seems to be in our genetic makeup. So how do we control this anxiety and fear that faces us on a regular basis. How do we continually dwell in a place of rest?
…He keeps in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him because He trusts in God…
I still can’t believe how worry free I am most times even when I have lots of things to be worried about. I can’t explain the joy that floods my heart or the peace that takes over at these periods. This is certainly not of my own doing.
I can only say it is God who gives this rest. However it is my place to labour to enter that rest.
How did I go through that period of intense pressure and fear that shook my trust in God?
What steps did I take when I discovered I was slipping out of the place of rest?
1. Create time to be alone with God and His word.
When I find that I am becoming agitated for whatsoever reason, I speak to God alone. I tell Him how I feel and let Him know how anxious I was. I ask Him to help me and then I get into His word.
It is important to have a notebook where you scribble down God’s promises. Revisit them from time to time.
Spending quality time with God is the cure to anxiety and fear while waiting to connect with the right partner. It leaves you with such peace beyond human comprehension.
Sometimes, I had to dig into the word over and over until I found rest for my soul.
Staying in God’s rest involves serious labour. Confessing the word whether or not you feel it, listening to sermons full of God’s grace, spending time with the Word…
You must realise that anxiety is connected to your emotions and until you bring those emotions under the control of the Holy Spirit, you will only cause yourself stress and pain.
2. Praying in the Spirit.
This has worked in so many areas of my life where anxiety had been evident. There is a calmness that comes when this happens. Pray in tongues regularly. Worship in the Spirit. That’s one great way to cast out that worry. You have to drag your mind to God and as you stay in His presence, there comes a peace that can’t be explained. It’s a beautiful experience.
3. Get busy.
I discovered that the time I opened the door to anxiety was when I didn’t have anything doing. I’m long past that phase where I just stare into space. There will always be something to do if you look around. And really beside just spending hours scrolling your newsfeed on facebook or chatting endlessly, keeping your mind engaged in profitable activities will help you control those anxious thoughts. The truth is lack of control of social media has a way of fanning a worried mind.
Find something you love.
Now, the goal is not to completely ignore thoughts on marriage…the idea is to pray for God’s leading from a place of rest. This isn’t just limited to marriage. The principle applies to every area where you are trusting for God’s intervention.
One basic fact is that; Worrying cannot make that difficult situation better.
God will come through for you in accordance with His word. But He can’t when your mind is ladened with worry and anxiety.
Don’t lose confidence. You’ll definitely see the fulfillment of His word.
I leave you with this scripture.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path…Proverbs 3:5,6.