When he proposed to me, I knew from the onset that something was not right. Each time I thought about his proposal, I felt an emptiness inside me and a restriction in my spirit.
He asked me to pray about it after I insisted that I couldn’t give him an immediate answer but he kept calling me to reaffirm that he was very sure God spoke to him and that God told him I was going to be his wife no matter what happened.
I have always wanted to please God but I was confused because there was a restriction in my spirit about him.
Dear Diary, another reason I was confused was that, aside from his insistent calls and text messages, he was a vibrant young minister with a fast growing ministry and the gift of prophesy.
Lest I forget most of his prophesies were true and most came to pass.
Can such a person having the gift of God lie to me just because he wanted to marry me? This was one of the many questions I asked myself then.
Dear Diary, I ended up telling myself that maybe I was the one who was restricting myself and not the Holy Spirit. As much as I wanted to believe this, a part of me knew it was a lie.
I went ahead and accepted his proposal and that was the worse decision I ever made, a decision I will forever regret. It was a decision to trust man above the Holy Spirit.
Fast forward to a year into the relationship, we got married.
Dear Diary, that was the beginning of unending sorrow.
Firstly, he said I shouldn’t work because the ministry was expanding and needed my attention. But then, each time I asked for money, one complain or the other would surface and he would say I was not being a virtuous woman.
Secondly, he was not teachable, he always wanted to win every argument. He alone makes all the decisions as regards the family. He decides when I should talk and when not to.
Thirdly, he was always travelling for one program to another. He doesn’t care if I am fine or not and I dare not complain about it.
Fourthly, whenever anyone appreciates or praises me, he gets terribly angry. He says I do not deserve any appreciation because without him I am nothing.
Lastly, I dare not complain of being tired or feeling used when he wants to have sex with me. Sex is with or without my consent. He rapes me.
Dear Diary, I keep hoping that he will change but he becomes worse as each day unfolds.
Right now I feel so guilty and condemned that I don’t have the courage to go back to God.
Thank you sis Ife for granting me the privilege to share this story with you, I am grateful.
Do you have a story to share? Are you seeking for a place to express the feeling you’ve been bottling up? Click here for more details.