Women

TO THE SINGLE LADY BATTLING SOCIETAL PRESSURE

If you are in this part of the world and you are of marriageable age, you must certainly have encountered people who have asked you questions like, ‘How far? When are you getting married? When are we coming to eat rice? Time is going? What is happening nah?’

These questions come in all sorts. It is at that time a relative remembers that you might be under a spell that needs to be destroyed,. It is also the time people suggests different prophets and pastors for deliverance over what is termed ‘marital delay’.

Sincerely, if not for the fruit of the Spirit at work in us, some of us would have slapped sense into some people. We would have shouted and screamed at them. But then when they go low, do we go low too?

You wonder how many marriages have crumbled out of this kind of pressure and yet people are still quick to nail anxiety into your heart. For the woman, no achievement makes sense if she does not have a man to call her own.

So there is the pressure everywhere. Fear gripping the heart of ladies. 30th birthday becomes a depressing one. The arrival of 40 drives in such raw fear and doom. There comes the clinginess to a man and no matter how terribly he behaves, they’d rather go on with the wedding than balk out.

Recently, I had a chat with a close friend who had been under this intense pressure by society, enough to drive anyone into despair and hopelessness. After our discussion, I recalled some of the ‘survival techniques’ for single ladies which I want to share with you.

1. when God says guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life, He also had societal pressure in mind. I know we’ve been pleading with married folks to stop pressuring singles. Do you want to know the truth, they can’t stop.

While some are genuinely concerned, some are instruments of the devil to push you into a marriage that’ll destroy you. So understand that you are fighting a bigger battle. A spiritual one at that.

Hope you know the devil has not stop strategizing against the family? Of course, he rejoices at the increase in divorce rates and if he can get you, a Christian single lady to fall into the arms of a wrong man, then his work will be easier.

If as a single lady, you’ve left your heart opened to every kind of suggestions and advice, right now is the time to take cognizance of the words that stay on your heart. Words are powerful. They can lead you towards making terrible decisions.

Learn to throw out everything that pumps up worry and anxiety in your heart. You can’t stop the society from using their mouth they way they choose to, but you can guard your heart from the words that try to get in.

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Matthew 6:27.

2. When it comes to handling pressures like this, resting in God is the only permanent solution you have.

A journey that was supposed to last the Israelites eleven days took them forty years because they refused to rest and trust in God.

Now the year is almost running out, you’ll suddenly remember that at the end of last year, you reassured your folks that 2019 would be your year. You attended seminars for singles and fasted for days, believing with all your heart that the brother would show up, yet nothing.

This is September. The year is almost over. You wonder if it’s worth shouting ‘Amen’ to prayers directed at weddings for 2020.  Didn’t you trust God for a breakthrough this year? Won’t you be disappointed next year?

Before you know it, anxiety creeps in again. Every brother becomes a potential husband and scriptures of ‘conviction’ starts flying here and there in your mind.

Once you find that your heart is suddenly not at rest, it is then you need to shut out the noise again and receive his peace. Don’t wait until desperation becomes full-blown. Stay in the word and in prayers until that peace consumes you.

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus. Philippains 4:6,7.

3. God loves you so much. You must believe this with all of your heart. The way to really be convinced about this comes by revelation knowledge. Ask God to open your heart to a sense of his love. Let him reveal to you how much he cares for you. It will give you a quiet confidence that he is working things out for you.

I am so glad that Jesus loves me

Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me,

I am so glad that Jesus loves me

Jesus loves even me.

A deep sense of the love of God for you will cast out every kind of fear. It will keep you rooted.

4. Like I stated in my podcast Singleness is a gift, here’s how to enjoy it, find and pursue the purpose for which God has brought you into the earth. Be consumed by it while you wait for the fulfilment of God’s promise.

5. There is nothing wrong with asking God to lead you to your spouse. We don’t have to wait for brothers to start proposing before presenting our desire to get married in prayers. God can reveal the person he wants to connect you with. As you ask him, remain opened, trusting that when the right person shows up, you’ll be able to recognize him.

This is the time to be sensitive to God’s voice in day to day issues. Don’t just wait to hear God only when it comes to marriage.

Read: Why is it difficult to hear God’s voice?

6. When God says, wait. Trust that he has the best interest for you. Be confident and assured that if he did not spare his only son, he’ll not withhold any good thing from you.

Is it possible to have hindrances that delay your connection with the you the right partner?

Yes.

There are people who have been wounded so badly in the past and they do not see anything good in the future. Until they open themselves up to a healing process, they  might keep going in and out of relationships without any success.

For some, there may be instructions tied to God’s leading that you are stubbornly refusing to obey.

If you would just drop your self-will and respond to the spirit of God, you’ll be shocked how quickly the man you’ve been waiting for will show up.

For others, they may need to exercise their spiritual authority and declare continuously what Christ has already done on the cross.

For another set, as a result of the heavy nature of the assignment God is placing in their hands, they may still need to go under the dealings of God in preparation for what’s ahead.

God’s heart for your marriage and this phase as a single lady is revealed in the secret place as you spend time with God.

So, I had a chat with some of my friends. I wanted to find out how they’ve been able to handle societal pressures and what advice they would give to single ladies  Here’s what some of them had to say. Their real names have been replaced for privacy sake.

How have you been able to handle societal pressure on marriage?

Bisi,

First,  I take the issue to my father. He strengthens and reassures me from His word. Also, I have resolved not to let the pressure get to me. I silently deflect the words aimed at putting pressure on my heart. The Holy Spirit has helped me to build this culture such that when they speak, I am focusing on what God’s word says to me.

Ronke,

I nearly missed it at some point in my life but finding purpose has helped me stay sane. Also, understanding that God makes all things beautiful in his time has helped me stay focus.

How have you been able to keep yourself busy while waiting for the right person?

Bisi,

I have busied myself with growing intimate with God and his word. I listen to messages and attend only selected programmes targeted at my growth and not all those ones that fuel the pressure due to lack of purposefulness. I also build capacity through service. I joined a team of likeminded kingdom folks whose focus is on spiritual maturity, schools outreach, teenagers and family. While I also work, I take online courses to prepare me for bigger opportunities. I look forward to doing a master’s programme soon.

Ronke,

I’m vigorously involved in the drama and film making. I’ve also been busy building my entrepreneur skills. I find joy impacting lives and serving the Lord.

Cynthia,

I’m currently running my masters. I don’t even have the time to be thinking of pressure.

What would you say to single ladies battling societal pressure.

Bisi,

Waiting time is not idle time. Waiting well prepares you for enthronement, so that you will not appear deficient at the time of your ordination in any area- physical, spiritual, emotional, ministerial, financial etc

Desperate? Please let your soul find rest in God. He stabilizes hearts amidst chaos. Don’t try to get affirmations from people or society.

Also, choose what your heart focuses on. Stay on God’s words. They are true. Surround yourself with the right company. You don’t need pity-parties, but goal-oriented and understanding people in your circle.

Get a mentor or disciple. This is so even when the pressure is getting to you, you’ll need to unburden and get encouragement from them. Let God guide you to a shepherd and not a predator.

Ronke,

Get a life. Marriage is not an end but a means to an end. Focus on the expected end. Let Proverbs 3:5,6 be your watchword. Find purpose. When you are productively busy, you won’t even have time to check time. Singlehood is a phase and it will pass, enjoy it while it lasts. Make friends, hang out with godly friends. Inshort enjoy this phase while it lasts!

Deborah,

Always remember that God has a plan for you. The more you think and watch the time, the slower the time of waiting will appear to you. So you either enjoin this waiting time or you endure it. Maximize all the free time you’ve got as a single lady.

Cynthia,

Take a step of faith and do something new. It may be a business or anything. Meet people. Visit places. Because you may not have that luxury of time when you get married. Be conscious of the fact that there is a lot to be achieved.

I end with ,

You cannot leave your mind to society. They’ll crush it. Learn to seek emotional stability in God.

Once you begin to feel pressured, immediately take the emotions to God and receive his peace. Talk to a friend or your mentor. Go out and do something that’ll take your mind off it.

Look at your goals again. Remind yourself of your purpose for living.

Again, this is the time to build character. Remember, Wedding is for a day, marriage is for life time.

Read: When the pressure to get married becomes intense

A letter to the single christian girl

Trusting while you wait (+10 encouraging bible verses)

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