If I got your story clearly, you met Mayowa in your first year in the university. He was that charming and introverted friend you loved spending time with every week. You maintained friendship with him all through your years in school and this friendship according to you was platonic. You had no feelings for him.
Well, you had a boyfriend at that time, a 300 level microbiology student. Not for once did you consider Mayowa stepping into his shoes. Mayowa as far as you were concerned was just that friend you poured out your heart to. He’d also shared stories of his feelings for a lady in his fellowship on campus. You guys were cool like that.
Then something interesting happened. In your final year, you began to take your walk with God very seriously. You spent hours in prayers and in God’s word. Mayowa had graduated. Your boyfriend was working in a bank somewhere in Zamfara. You met new friends, realized your boyfriend was not interested in the things of God and complains about your devotion to God. You broke up with him. Comunications with Mayowa had declined greatly. Not that there was a fight. It just dissolved naturally.
Shortly after your national youth service, you were praying one morning when the thought of Mayowa flashed across your heart. You assumed he’d crossed your heart because you had not spoken to him in a while. Later that day, when thoughts about him was still impressed in your heart, you decided to pray for him. You wondered if he was in trouble.
As you prayed, a deep love for him began to grow in your heart. You started to see images of a wedding ceremony. You standing on the altar, saying vows to him. Both of you in the house living as married couples. You were shocked and scared at the same time. Was this your mind playing games? Could this be God saying something? You wanted a man who was deeply passionate about God, a man who would be the right spiritual head for you, did Mayowa fit into that picture?
That weekend, you spent more time praying about it and all directions kept leading back to him. God was saying, this is the man.
You still had your doubts.
‘Okay God, if He is in a relationship, I’ll know this is not from you.’
You called Mayowa. After a lighthearted discussion and catching up on the past, he veered the direction of marriage. You smiled, glad he had raised it up, after all that was the reason for the call. He asked if you were in a relationship. You said No. Your heart pounded at what his response would be. He confirmed he was still single, waiting for God’s leading.
Weeks rolled by and the impression got stronger. Few weeks after all of these started, you were transferred from your place of work to ile-ife. Mayowa lives in Ile-ife too. The morning you received the letter, you laughed so hard. God was definitely involved in this. Everything was working according to His plan.
The weekend of your arrival, Mayowa drove you round town. Your heart swelled with joy and those butterflies in your stomach would not stay still. It was the first time you’d see Mayowa in six years. He was taller, broader, muscle-built. He looked different from the young man you walked around campus with.
That day he took you to a popular eatery in town but you could barely chew the chicken pie you ordered for. You kept gazing into his eyes. It was obvious you were in love with him. You were particularly amazed at his level of spiritual growth. He loved the Lord as much as you do. Every word he spoke resonated with your heart.
You spoke to Mayowa everyday. You told your friends about your conviction. Your parents are already excited to meet him. Oh it was too real. The more time you spent with him, the more confident you were about God’s leading.
Suddenly, Mayowa started to withdraw. He stopped talking to you. You’d call and he wouldn’t pick. He left monotone responses on your chats. His silence is killing you. You cried for several nights, turning over in your head your last conversation. Did you say something that hurt him? You asked him why he has been very cold, but he says he is busy with work and church responsibilities but you know better. A man who truly cares about you will create time for you. You made a mistake of going to his office and he frowned greatly at it. You came back home depressed for days.
Not long after this, you discovered he is engaged to someone else. It’s not even a secret. You had seen their pictures on his whatsapp status and he did not hide the fact that she was his girl.
Questions bombard your head left, right and centre. Where did you get it wrong? You didn’t ask for this. You knew God lead you to him. It was too clear in your heart. You knew what God said.
Should you keep waiting? Would he realize his mistake and come back to you? You are so bothered that you rarely eat well. When we talked over a video call some days ago, I saw worried lines on your face. My heart goes out to you.
Beloved, your trust in the Lord is the only thing that is constant and unshakable. Everything can shift but not your faith in God’s plan for you. I hope you know this. There is no such thing as one man for one woman. Let Mayowa go. Trust that God has a plan and his plan for your life will come to pass.
I’m not saying you didn’t hear God clearly but I know it takes two to make a marriage. If the other person is not responding, God will not force him on you. A marriage relationship must be built on convictions. If one party does not have it, then there is nothing you can do. Relax and go about your daily life. Kill that myth in your mind that tells you that if you don’t marry Mayowa, you’ll never find a man who will truly loves you. It’s a big, fat, blatant lie.
Right now, soak yourself in intimacy with God. There might be a baggage you need to deal with that you are not conscious of at the moment. Build your your fashion business. Waiting for Mayowa is a game you don’t want to play. Let it go. Resist the temptation to think his relationship will scatter because of you. That will be selfish. You can’t force anyone to be with you. Stop thinking that he’ll come back. Get busy with life. If you don’t have work to do, let me know, I have plenty of work for you.
If seeing his social media updates or whatsapp status will disturb you, then delete everything that stir those emotions. Delete his contact, unfriend him, get his pictures out of your phone. If you keep romancing those emotions, they’ll keep convincing you that he will come back. Get everything out that reminds you of him. Starve those emotions.
Let me remind you of this verse. ‘For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Cheer up sister, God’s got you!
Your sister in Christ,