Recently, Lawrence Oyor came out on facebook to declare that he was no longer single and that all the sisters already carrying divine leading in their hearts for him should look elsewhere.
‘This boy is not single!!’ Lawrence announced.
You’d be surprised that some sisters will still not give up. It’s then you’ll start hearing words like ‘I heard God!’ ‘I’m very sure of what God said to me.’
For those who don’t know Lawrence Oyor. He is one fine Holy Ghost tongue-speaking anointed brother whose influence on young people has left many transformed. He is known, under God, to put fire in the heart of young men and women. He has one correct voice like that. It is this voice he uses to birth forth sounds and spirit filled songs that quenches lukewarmness and set burdens in your heart.
Wait sef, as I am profiling the young man, are you not already catching small feeling? Just imagine sisters who regularly sit under his ministrations. How do you expect them not catch something.
You know, this same catching of conviction is wide spread on our campuses, ministries and youth groups.
A brother flows in the manifestations of the spirit or sings so beautifully that his voice always gives you goose bumps. Another man, sound in the Word like Paul the Apostle, mesmerizes your mind with the revelation knowledge he dishes out. Every time you sit under him, your heart just wishes to wake up to those powerful words every morning.
Biko, who no like better thing?
There are situations where once a fervent, anointed brother proposes, the sister does not even think of praying, she is already jumping for joy because in her mind, she wonders how a brother like that could pick her out of all the sisters in the fellowship. Who else could make this happen if not God.
Many have asked questions. Is it a normal attitude for Christian sisters to become so desperate to land a high target brother? Isn’t this tied to the fact that there is low self esteem issues in their lives? Why would a hundred sisters be eyeing one brother if not that purpose has not been discovered and such men have become a means of validation for them?
First of all, I must say that females are highly emotional beings. As believers, by the fact that we are connected in a growing relationship with God, there is that innate desire to have a man stand correctly as our spiritual head.
What woman, passionate about God and his assignment on earth prays for a brother from whom carnality smells like defaeces, whose prayer and study life is a mess. As much as we want a man who’ll treats us well and put food on our tables, christian sisters are drawn to men who are not afraid of taking their stand for God and those who are zealous about the kingdom business. Unfortunately, for some, it has brought regrets when the true nature of the brother comes clear after the wedding.
We cannot afford to be led by sight. We are spirit beings. The best way to tackle this is to take charge of these emotions long before we become slaves to them.
Am I saying God cannot reveal to a sister before hand the man he wants her to marry? Not at all.
Here are a few things I’d love to point out.
1. When you become attracted to a brother who hasn’t made his intention known to you, handle the feelings at the root before it gets out of hand. The idea of the person and what he represents may be what your heart yearns for and nothing more.
Don’t give that feeling room to grow. If you do, the devil will hijack it and before you know it, you’ll be hearing scriptures about the brother and receiving convictions that he is the man for you.. Dreams and visions will pop out from only God knows where. Unnecessary assumptions and conclusions will settle in your heart.
2. The anxiety to get married is usually the major reason a sister fidgets about a particular brother. There are some who have made some desperate moves leaving the guy pissed and he wonder why a lady like you could be that desperate. Some can’t even have a single fellowship with God without thoughts of a brother interrupt their communion life.
Prayers are centered towards him. Some will almost force their request down God’s throat. There is no time for personal study anymore. They weep when he doesn’t answer their calls or respond to their messages. If you can longer live your normal life and engage in serious personal development, I doubt God is involved.
3. Here’s the solution for breaking free from emotional attachments. Study the Word and Pray. If you will be intentional about your spiritual growth, clarity will come to you. God is our father, he will never leave us helpless. He is ready to deliver his daughters from fantasies and revealed the truth to them if only they will cast their cares on him.
Trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path. Proversb 3:5
If you will spend time praying in the spirit, not only will calmness pervade your heart, you will know what God is saying about the situation.
4. Emotions are very strong. Depending on how emotionally attached you have become through weeks of daydreams and nursing of thoughts about him, sometimes it will take a few weeks to a couple of months to finally get your mind free of any entanglements.
Your thought process needs to be redirected towards other important things. Declare that you have the mind of God and know the thoughts of the Lord. Confess that you are led by the Spirit and not by the flesh. Stay focused on the Word and build a solid prayer life. You’ll see the situation clearly.
5. No matter how spiritual and vibrant a man is, only God can tell if you are a proper helpmeet for them. The gim-gim is what we all see but what about his lifestyle? Is he a man who carries anointing without character? Are we talking about a man who is open to corrections and whose heart is tender? Does he have a stubborn will and just uses spirituality as a mask? Even if he is a man of noble character, does he properly fits into God’s plan for your life?
But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his staure; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as a man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
There are many ladies weeping in secret, women crying because their husbands receive great applause in the public but at home they are monsters.
God sees your desire to settle for a man of great purpose and vision. He understands that you greatly desire a man who loves him above anything else. You can trust that he’ll not give you anything less.
6. Get into therapy sessions at the Lord’s clinic if your emotions are at war. Let God deal with your emotions before you even start thinking of asking, ‘Is he the one?’ The truth is that, if your emotions dominate when you ask that question, you’ll receive answers according to your feelings.
7. A woman who has found her purpose in God and is walking diligently in it will see herself as bringing value to a man. There is a confidence that whoever marries her is blessed because ‘I’m coming into the marriage with something beautiful.’
She knows she is an asset to the man God will lead her to and whoever he is, they’ll properly align even when their visions aren’t exactly the same. She enjoys the sweet rest in God. Even when situations seem to pull her out of that rest, she knows what to do to remain there. She trains her mind to respond only to the thoughts of God from his Word.
When you don’t have a purpose and all you think of is getting married, it will be so easy when a fervent brother approaches you. The brother will be doing you a favour by asking for your hand in marriage. Unconsciously, his story of conviction automatically become yours. In your mind, you are like, ‘How can a man like this propose to me. This is what many sisters are dying to have.’
Dear sister, let me remind you of who you really are. You are a heir of your father. You are joint-heirs with Christ. All of the father’s love was poured out on you when you came into union with Christ. You have such incredible power that your imaginations cannot fathom. You are a world-shaker, a woman with such capacity to reach the four corners of the earth. Stop playing small. Let the thoughts of God consume your heart. You are royalty.
Can God speak to you about a brother before he proposes? Are there cases where a sister knows ahead before the brother shows up?
Yes. This is possible. There are times when God would lead a sister and yet not immediately nudge the brother’s heart towards her. He does so for certain reasons.
There are some sisters that at the time they received the leading, the other person was still undergoing certain dealings. Sometimes, it could be a training module for the sister on patience. If you have feeling nudges towards a brother consistently even after praying about it, what do you do?
1. Remain flexible. Here’s what I mean. At the time you received the leading, immediately throw it into the hands of God. Let time prove what you claim you have received. It is very okay to be slow to declare what you are convinced about. Don’t be quick to make conclusions. Check with God as many times as possible from a place of rest.
2. Get more intimate with the Holy Spirit. Practice listening to the inward witness and your inward voice. The more time you spend praying in the spirit and studying the word, the easier it becomes to separate the thoughts of your mind from your emotions.
God’s leading comes with peace and calmness. It will not hinder the growth of other aspects of your life. Make sure you come to a point where you are completely at rest about the situation and anxiety has been thoroughly dealt with.
3. Share your thoughts with your mentor and spiritual friends who can pray with you over the matter. Sometimes when you are emotional about matters like this, through praying with others, your heart become calmer and you can receive help too.
4. I don’t see anything wrong with you becoming friends with the person, if an opportunity warrants it. Sometimes, it is through those conversations that’ll help you to know if you truly heard God. In a a post, Should I tell him how I feel? I shared the story of a sister who was convinced about God’s leading to a particular brother. It was in becoming friends with him that she realized the truth and saw clearly why she’d thought God led her.
Be sure that you can’t go wrong by depending on the leading of the Spirit.
5. As your conviction gets strengthened and the inner witness becomes evident, one of the things you’ll receive is a deeper perspective of the future and further confirmation of your leading to this brother. Specific and clear instructions will come to you in the place of prayer. Waiting time becomes deliberate. A time where the deep things of the Spirit are revealed to you. A time when you grow deeper in your purpose.
‘I did all you said above. I was sure of what God said to me, but he still went on to be with another person. What did I do wrong?’
Man always has the right to choose. Never forget that. If truly during the time of waiting, you had been busy with spiritual activities and growth in your personal life, you’d have not lost anything. Go back to your Father. For the man who is surrendered to him, he makes everything beautiful in his time.
I have been praying about a life partner but God has been silent to my request. Is there something else I need to do?
Is it possible that there are dealings God needs you to go through before leading you to his son? Is God trying to build capacity for what your partner carries? Is there something God still needs to finish with the brother but hinting you on his plans will cause you to make premature moves?
The best thing is to find out what God wants for the phase of your life now and submit to it. If you stay stubborn, you will keep delaying the process.
There are sisters that need to grow. As they are, God can’t lead them to any of his sons. Little issue, they are either crying or throwing tantrums all over the place. Some are professional naggers. Others say whatever they want whenever they feel like. How do you expect God to lead you to a correct son of his? These are areas God wants to prune.
If the only thing God is saying now is wait, then submit to whatever dealings he wants to do in you.
There are other reasons why you might not be hearing God clearly on this issue. I have outlined some of them in the post titled Why is it difficult to hear the voice of God.
I’ll end by saying that, as ladies, we can’t let our emotions do whatever they want. We must take charge of them. We must spend time praying a lot especially as the year comes to an end. Don’t get into the new year still confused. Settle it this year. Get a word from God on what he desires for the next phase of your life.
God speaks. Just like he guides us in our day to day choices, so he desires to lead us in the area of marriage. If we remain in his hands, we can’t get it wrong.
Here’s a verse to hold on to.
Howbeit, when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13.