Many years ago, I met a brother who was born again and loved the Lord. He was really nice and at that time too, I had begun to pray for ‘God’s will’. You know that prayer of, ‘oh Lord, show me the bone of my bone.’ Those days when your eyes would be firmly closed and your fist slammed against your palm as your head moved from one angle to another. I can’t forget one of the Singles program I attended in my church. The Moderator was leading the prayer session and one of the prayer points was in this format.

‘Pray! Ask the Lord to reveal your partner. Oh Lord locate me to the rightful person. Pray!’

The hall was charged and voices rose so high to the heavens. I opened my eyes and just peeped small. What I saw ehn.. let me just stop there. It became clear to me that christian singles do not want to get it wrong. Marriage no be beans abi?

Back to my story…

This brother and I were in the same unit in church and I seriously began to pray about him. I was so anxious to see him propose that I went to confide in a friend who I never knew had an interest in me. I thought we were just friends. I wanted him to help me do some findings. (You know, scout the premises, da kain tin) He was glad to help and he came back to give me a report. The brother in question was engaged.

I was heart broken but after a while I let it pass. Then this brother, my friend, came along and began to make some  moves. After a while, I told him I wasn’t led to him and his reply got me wondering. He laughed at me and said some things that made me wonder, does God really speak? God does not reveal who you will marry, it is your decision to make, he implied.

So, in my mind, I’m wondering, Is it possible to just get a christian brother and afterwards go right ahead and marry him? After all, marriage itself entails hard work., abi?

On campus, from when I got into the campus fellowship till I graduated, I can’t count the number of seminars I had been made to attend. Mummies in the fellowship shared their testimonies on how God spoke to them about their men. I can still remember the different steps they enumerated.

There was the still small voice, deep love in the heart, audible voice and all the different kinds of test- Peace test, patience test, purity test and so on. At that time, all of these didn’t make so much sense to me. But it still didn’t answer the question in my heart.

Does God really speak?

Is there anything like God’s will?

Why should a sister go to God and pray asking God for direction only to fall into the hands of a man who is engaged to someone else or who detests her greatly.

Why again would brothers propose bringing convincing testimonies, leaving you confused because each testimony makes sense.

Can’t somebody just fall in love and go straight to tie the knots without bugging God with, ‘Lord, is he your will?’

It was as I grew in Christ and began to understand God better, that I discovered the truth about this issue.

I decided to draw my conclusion from God’s word and not on experiences. After all, didn’t God say that when we get born again, the life we live is not ours again but that of His precious Son? Didn’t God also state clearly that He would instruct us in the way we should go and He will guide us with his eyes? Look what I found out.

David went to God one day and asked him concerning the Philistines. ‘Shall I go up to the Philistines? God said to him, Go up.

Another time, David went again to God and asked the same question, and God said,’thou shall not go up.’

You can find that in 2 Samuel 5:19.

If God could communicate clearly to David, could he not do same to you? Aren’t you under a covenant much more glorious than that of David?

So who told you you are wasting time if you take a brother and sister to God and ask, ‘Lord, is she the one?’

I think our issue is how God communicates and not that He communicates.

True, people have bastardize the term, ‘God’s will’ but that does not mean God does not speak. By speaking, we are not merely talking about hearing an audible voice. You shouldn’t even depend on hearing a voice. It could be misleading.

I remember a time, I was excited about a proposal made to me. I mean, I like this brother so much. He was my friend and to an extent, I knew him well. But still I went to God, ‘how far? Lord are you in this?’

God answered. I didn’t hear a deep voice neither did I see any scripture popping out of the bible with a negative response. I just knew in my heart that God didn’t want me to go ahead with it…like there was a restraint in my spirit. When I finally told him what I perceived and being a mature individual, he calmly accepted my answer. Oh how I felt so much peace afterwards.

I think the problem many Christians have is the way they have boxed God to answer them in a particular way but it does not work that way. They want to hear voices, to dream dreams, to see thunderous revelations. Again, we are too quick to attribute everything we feel to ‘God said’. I’m learning to use those words sparingly.

Still, there are some others who have a deep sense that God is leading them to a particular person. But they are waiting to hear a loud voice or get something spectacular. They don’t even believe that having a deep love tested over time can be God saying, Yes.

God speaks and how He does it differ from one person to another. But how can we become familiar with the manner in which God speaks to us when we don’t spend time with God renewing our minds and putting our flesh under his control.

Don’t you know that the flesh has a voice too? A steady gaze on God’s word is the most efficient way to stay on the right path, in line with God’s plan.

…But be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

These are not my words. Even if you have experienced heart breaks because you sincerely thought you were following God’s leading, remember this scripture. It is the test for everything you claim to have heard. As you keep praying and learning to know God, you will definitely know what direction to take.

Your failure to discern at a particular time should not cause you to let go of God’s word. See that situation as God teaching you how to hear His voice.

I have failed several times too. I have thought on some occasions that someone was the real deal but as I relaxed and prayed, I discovered it was my emotions at work. I have also had what I thought were deep convictions that came with scriptures which eventually didn’t turn out as I expected. But in all, I have learnt one ingredient in my walk with God. Trust.

Even when you don’t know what’s going on, despite your ‘supposed certainty’, the best way is to trust and leave your care to Him.

Again, God speaks through situations. Don’t be so rigid that when you see something so fundamentally wrong in the person you are in a relationship with, you just keep your face set, claiming you heard a voice and it must be him.

God’s will must be proved…and time, regular devotion to God will open your eyes to see the truth.

Where your values do not align or where he is abusive, that is God already speaking through those circumstances.

Again God’s will does not mean, there is only one brother or sister in this world for you. It just means that you are willing to allow God lead you to make a right choice.

God knows those who will rightly complement you. Because He sees the end from the beginning, He knows what you can bear when the storms arise…He knows who can cope with your weaknesses and help you grow in Him after the initial ‘romantic feeling’ is long gone.

You may truly have heard God speak concerning a person, but please know that man has been given a freewill. He has his choice to make.

Stop chasing him or getting anxious wondering if you are lost forever if he chooses someone else. God has better plans for you much more than you can imagine.

Read: Where is My Man? Overcoming anxiety and fear

Finally, that God led you to a sister and you are now in a relationship does not mean you will fold your hands and allow it roll on its own. You have serious work to do. There is the place of commitment, sacrifice and growth.

Does God’s will exist? Do well to leave a response in the Comment section.

About the author

Ife Grace

I am a faith blogger with a passion to contribute my quota to the body of Christ. I am also the author of two books: The Reunion and Spring.


  • I am highly blessed with this….Personally I believe God speaks in different ways or uses different situations to pass on his message concerning his will to us. its left for us to really know how God speaks to us. Cheers

  • "all the different kinds of test- Peace test, patience test, purity test and so on. At that time, all of these didn't make so much sense to me. But it still didn't answer the question in my heart."
    I can so relate, too much theory, nothing beats a personal relationship with God.
    Our Vertical relationship with God is directly proportional to our horizontal relationship with men, provided seeking God wholeheartedly remain constant.

    • Samuel, You are so right…the most important thing is to develop a deep relationship with God.

  • To hear God isn't rocket science really. Until we develop the Father-son relationship, to hear Him may elude us. Again, it makes it a lot easier to know God's will in marriage if one had, at one point or the other, heard him afore.

    • I keep saying, a believer cannot expect to hear correctly when familiarity with the Holy Spirit has not been made…Seeking God’s will shouldn’t arise at the point when we seek a life partner. In little day to day activities, it is important we seek his mind. Samuel, thanks.

  • Nice work Sis! On this journey I've learnt that God is NOT stereotyped!
    That He spoke to Sis A this way, doesn't mean He'll speak to Sis B just the same way.

    I like that part of "God's will doesn't mean there's only one brother or sister in this world for you."

  • The very first step to a glorious Christian walk is understanding and knowing how God talks or speaks to you…It will determine success in marriage, ministry and every area of your life. The wheel of God's will is communication!

  • The wheel of God's will is communication…that's deep. I can imagine the many problems we would have avoided had we given time to deep communication with God…Thanks for this timely reminder.

  • God speaking to us depends on our level of intimacy with him,in my case I work on d state of my inner mind,(peace within),wat I mean is whenever I want to venture into anything that am not too sure of,I pray over it and watch out with patience how it rolls out,some times God shows me evidence why I should back up but I try to continue till I reach some level that I hv to tell myself the truth am walking on this alone.atims he even send pple I dnt really know to ask me to watch wat am trying to do.God really hears our prayers even when we dnt hear d loud voice or dream abt it. Ifegrace ur write ups inspires me,more grace

    • Thanks for sharing this Lilian. I agree that our level of intimacy with God determines the clarity of how we receive whatever God is saying to us…and I believe too that God hears our prayers.

  • Thanks a lot.
    I tell you nothing beats our relationship with God.
    Beyond his will for us in marriage, thousands and millions of decisions will be made. Even concerning marriage, after getting it right there’s a part of doing it right.

    • Yes o, our relationship with God is paramount. That’s the basis for understanding His will…

      I love your last statement…’after getting it right, there’s a part of doing it right.’ …so true.

  • Thanks for this big sis. Am blessed our
    Relationship with God is something we shouldnt joke about.
    Thanks ma and God bless

  • Ever since i was introduced to your page on facebook. i have always been blessed by any of your posts. i pray that God will bless and continue to strengthen you and give you wisdom where you need it. so encouraging to see your progress!!
    i do believe God’s will exists for everyone but just like you pointed out, some of us have become rigid in our actions and thoughts. when Eliezer found Rebeca for Isaac, he prayed for a particular person and Rebeca happened to fit into his prayer description. but like you also mentioned, trust in God is very important, your walk with God is very important. Eliezer didn’t doubt if Rebecca was God’s choice for Isaac, he simply trusted and believed that God had sent Rebecca his way. Continue to be a blessing Sis Ife.


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