It’s been three years since Daniel left the shores of the country for France. You said the night of his departure, you wept like a baby. Your heart almost tore into pieces. You and Daniel had been courting for over a year and just when you brought up the subject of marriage, he received a full scholarship to pursue a PhD program.
You knew it was a great opportunity for him especially with some connections he’d already gained as a french translator with the African Union. But you cried all the same. You’d never been away from your fiance for more than two or three days and now he’d been gone for four years?
The first week he left, you were awake at night, thinking about the beautiful nights you spent together. You missed him greatly. Daniel called you almost every night. Even when his studies became very intense, he always ensured he heard your voice before you retire to bed
Well, you were busy here in Nigeria. Apart from your 9-5 sales representative job, you ran a master’s degree and took a six month skill acquisition training in bag making.
But something happened shortly after you rounded up your skill acquisition program. The Human Resource of the company where you worked handed you a letter that made you scream for joy. You had been transferred from the sales department to the creative art department. This was a dream come through for you. For years, you had prayed and believed God for this move and finally you got it.
You read that letter for the umpteenth time in your bedroom and tears of joy filled your heart. The morning you resumed at your new position, the staff of the creative art department threw a small welcome party for you. They were so loving and warm and this made you more excited.
It was there you met Martins. He was one of the top graphics designer and within a few hours you met him, you had developed fondness for him. Martins didn’t just help you get the hang on your job functionalities, he spoke passionately about God.
You were thrilled by the boldness he exuded where the manifestations of the Spirit was concerned. You were attracted by his gentle yet firm manner that was in contrast to your spontaneous and sanguine disposition. Every time you spent time with Martins during the lunch break, you leave charged in your spirit man.
What started as a mere friendship grew into something deep and now you are saying, you don’t love Daniel anymore. You tell me you don’t understand why your love for your fiance is swindling. It is boring, bland and lacks any fire. You said, thoughts of Daniel do not thrill you again.
Whenever Daniel spoke excitedly about the presentations he made at conferences organized by the french government, you wished he could stop talking so you could go to bed.
Daniel asked you why you were cold during conversations, you said everything was fine but you know it’s not. Your heart is gradually slipping away from him.
You have started to question if God really led you to him. When Martin stares at you, your heart pounds with desire. He said you are beautiful and you can’t get those words out of your head. Not that Daniel was stingy with compliments, according to you, there was just a way Martins said it that made your heart beat fast.
In our discussions, I heard you mention your colleague’s name more than five times and each time you talk about him, your eyes lit up.
Here are your exact words, ‘I’m in love with Martins. I can’t stop thinking about him. Sometimes I wish I knew Martins first…I don’t know why I don’t love Daniel anymore. I can’t even understand this. I feel bad that I’m hurting Daniel.’
Let’s get you out of this delusion, shall we?
How do you expect to maintain fire in your relationship when you are spending so much time with someone else? What magic were you thinking was going to play out?
Even in our walk with God, no matter how much we have enjoyed communion with God for a length of time, when something else dominates our hearts, our love for the Lord will go down. It’s a natural phenomenon. Your heart gravitates towards the object of your focus.
You can’t be spending time with Martins and think your heart will not be drawn away from Daniel. Imagine this, you are with Martins from Monday to Friday for over twelve hours and on Saturdays you have date evenings with him. How won’t thoughts about Martin dominate your heart?
You said Daniel is worried about the relationship and has reported to your mentor and now you are angry. But can’t you see that this guy wants this relationship to work? He calls but you rarely pick. When you finally do, your mind is always almost absentminded.
Your emotion is in control dear sister and I strongly advice that you take a pause with this Martins. He looks perfect because he is a new fire in your life but it’s only a matter of time before reality dawns on you.
Look at the way you speak about Daniel’s flaws. It’s interesting that before he traveled, all you saw was a man who made your life beautiful.
Don’t make this costly mistake girl. The fact that you have started despising Daniel is enough to show you that you are blinded by your emotions.
Stop going out on dates with Martins. Let him know you are in a relationship and you want to give time to building it. Yes, I know you can’t stop seeing Martins every week, at least for as long as you work in that department but there is a way around dealing with this rush of emotions.
Deliberately carve out time daily to talk to Daniel even if it is for a few minutes. You need that consistency to re-ignite the fire in your relationship. At first, it may seem forced because your emotions are still wrapped around Martins but gradually, the switch will happen.
Call him regularly, video calls preferably so you can behold his face. Make time for this, no excuses. If you want something badly, you will make time out for it.
Be opened with him and talk about some of the things you did together while he was still in Nigeria. Go way back to your proposal, your convictions. Spend time praying in the Spirit to calm your emotions
Let images of Daniel be around you,,. On your phone screen, laptop…ask him to send voice notes for you to listen during lunch break. Pray together. Share God’s word together. Draft creative ways to spark your relationship. Pray for him and expect to hear instructions concerning your relationship. Be verbal about your expressions of love for him.
Keep Daniel in your face until the attachment to Martins drowns out. Love is a deliberate decision that requires commitment and not just some explosive blind emotional outburst.
This is the way to go girl. Cheers.