Dear Diary,

When he proposed to me, I knew from the onset that something  was not right. Each time I thought about his proposal, I felt an emptiness inside me and a restriction in my spirit.

He asked me to pray about it after I insisted that I couldn’t give him an immediate answer but he kept calling me to reaffirm that he was very sure God spoke to him and that God told him I was going to be his wife no matter what happened.

I have always wanted to please God but I was confused because there was a restriction in my spirit about him.

Dear Diary, another reason I was confused was that, aside from his insistent calls and text messages, he was a vibrant young minister with a fast growing ministry and the gift of prophesy.

Lest I forget most of his prophesies were true and most came to pass.

Can such a person having the  gift of God lie to me just because he wanted to marry me? This was one of the many questions I asked  myself then.

Dear Diary, I ended up telling myself that maybe I was the one who was restricting myself and not the Holy Spirit. As much as I wanted to believe this, a part of me knew it was a lie.

I went ahead and accepted his proposal and that was the worse decision I ever made, a decision I will forever regret. It was a decision to trust man above the Holy Spirit.

Fast forward to a year into the relationship, we got married.

Dear Diary, that was the beginning of unending sorrow.

Firstly, he said I shouldn’t work because the ministry was expanding and needed my attention. But then, each time I asked for money, one complain or the other would surface and he would say I was not being a virtuous woman.

Secondly, he was not teachable, he always wanted to win every argument. He alone makes all the decisions as regards the family. He decides when I should talk and when not to.

Thirdly, he was always travelling for one program to another. He doesn’t care if I am fine or not and I dare not complain about it.

Fourthly, whenever anyone appreciates or praises me, he gets terribly angry. He says I do not deserve any appreciation because without him I am nothing.

Lastly, I dare not complain of being tired or feeling used when he wants to have sex with me. Sex is with or without my consent. He rapes me.

Dear Diary, I keep hoping that he will change but he becomes worse as each day unfolds.

Right now I feel so guilty and condemned that I don’t have the courage to go back to God.

Thank you sis Ife for granting me the privilege to share this story with you, I am grateful.



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About the author

Ife Grace

I am a faith blogger with a passion to contribute my quota to the body of Christ. I am also the author of two books: The Reunion and Spring.


  • Oh my, this brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry about what you are going through. I believe that God is a redeemer and restorer.

    Because there are so many things I would like to suggest, I think I will just refer you to Michael Todd on YouTube. If you will gather more strength and courage, please check his videos and look for those that are similar to what you are going through. He is an anointed young man of God and I believe that the Lord will use some of his messages to bless you.

    I pray that the Lord will also give you direct instructions in Jesus’ name. Just for fun, you might listen to All Things Well by Jonathan McReynolds. The Lord keep you in Jesus’ name. I send you loads of love.

  • Dear Lord,

    I plea you make her find joy.

    Please Lord, do not look upon her mistake 😭.

    Lord, look down upon her and shown her mercy.


  • No wonder the Bible says the heart of man is desperately wicked! May God help us listen to His voice.

    My dear sister God will help you and make things right in your family

  • This is really serious, am very sure God is very much interested in you accessing him back like before. Go boldy to the throne, and you will find mercy. I pray that the lord will help your heart in jesus name.
    Thanks for sharing.

  • The truth here is, that my beloved sister need to forgive herself and the husband, and release herself to the Lord, nobody can do it for her,she need to release herself, the saviour is more loving than she thinks and waiting for her to lift her up, from any where she find herself Shalom

  • Its heart touching and painful.if you go on like this you will lose your entire life to sorrow and pain and cheat is much more than marriage.look at the proverbs 31 woman ,she was most likely too busy to be bogged down by marriage woes.pls get something doing and get your life back.all these movies that deceive women into thinking life is only about marital! its much fact look and you will find that behind every great woman is a man that failed her and a heart with courage to move ahead against all odds.I pray and wish for you all the best

  • I’m speechless… I just pray God heals her marriage and remember it is for better for worse…Where would she start from???
    May God help us not to make that kind of mistake.

  • I got a proposal from a man exactly like this and despite the repulsion I felt in my spirit i foolishly accepted his proposal. He would bombard me with calls and incessantly try to manipulate me into agreeing to his proposal. God showed me some secrets and these were enough to keep me from saying yes, but foolishly, I did one day on impulse because I allowed silly emotions to overwhelm me after a dose of consistent calls from him and the doubts and fears I had seemed to vanish. The relationship was hellish, I was frustrated and blamed for having my own principles and ideologies when I refused to go over to their house to sleep over for some days and spend time with his mum.

    He was also a prophets’ boy, whatever the prophets said God said was what God said. My opinions never counted and he was going to manipulate me into marrying him within 3 months of courtship…. It’s a very long story. But then, the snare got broken and I became free. God gave me the courage and strength to break up with him…. Glory to God and thanks to certain people around me that he used for me – my family, friends and some pastors. But for God’s mercy!


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