TELL ME YOUR STORY:DARK NIGHTS OF A LITTLE CHILD

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I tell my story anonymously but the events I am about to narrate are my own personal experiences as I recall, though not very clearly as they had taken place at an early age.

I must have been about 5 or 6 years old, I can’t really get the exact dates in my head. I grew up in the village and though I attended the school in my village, I couldn’t really read and write because my school taught us in vernacular(i.e Tiv language). My mum is a headmistress in a public primary school and she would often leave me in the care of a lady who was our distant relation.

I often followed her wherever she went. We would go to the stream to fetch water or to the bush to fetch firewood and she would lead the way while I trot behind, half naked.

As would be expected, I grew to be very fond of her and at a time I childishly attempted to keep other boys away from her. One night, some boys came to where we stayed. It was obvious that they had no cynical malicious intentions, but as we sat outside, I threatened to scream if they didn’t go away and funny enough they took to their heels.

She was beautiful and jovial. No wonder, most of the boys in my village couldn’t resist making those moves towards her. We often called here ‘aseese’ (meaning laughter). She looked harmless outwardly but after my experiences with her during those nights, I have come to know her true nature better than anyone else.

The first of those nights that I remember, we had gone to sleep in our grandmother’s hut. When my grandmother stepped out of the hut for her usual prayers, she lifted me from my position and placed me on top of her. Then she led me into her and at some point, she rubbed petroleum jelly on my private region. That night formed the beginning of my craving for sex.

Another night, while we were sleeping together on the same bed, this time not in my grandmother’s hut but my father’s old bungalow, I found it difficult to sleep. I wanted a repeat of the experience and so as she slept and rolled on the bed until her wrapper went loose, I tried to evoke the same process. When she stir awake, I withdrew. At a point she rebuked me for my futile attempts, saying I should stop the profane things I was doing to her. But a desire had already been planted in me and between the time I was 9 and 10years, I had been involved in anal sex. Then at thirteen, I had gone into masturbation and later I would become addicted to nude videos and pictures.

Sometimes I wonder if those experiences were responsible for my affinity towards any beautiful girl as well my uncontrollable sexual urges. But again, even though I have never shared my experience with my mother, I’ve learnt not to blame or hate anyone for my past. Thank God I met Jesus on the 10th of July this year and got baptized on the 20th. God has begun to do a deep work in me.

I’m 20years old and presently a student of a University located in Asia. I have cried out to God and He has not disappointed me. I’ve stopped watching those nude pictures and I’m gradually putting the past behind me. It’s more challenging now that I’ve stepped into a different environment and darkness has approached me once again. But I’m trusting, believing and praying to see the beauty beyond this present life.

It’s true that many unsuspecting parents trust their kids into the care of aunties or uncles without the slightest clue of the perverse desires that often underlie the outward characters of such persons. Worst of all, they never even get to learn about what happen to those kids who have become all grown up because in the long run such experiences turn out to be their own little secrets. It isn’t our fault that we had to keep such stories to ourselves or divulge them only to our close friends. We can’t stand to see the disappointment on the faces of our parents.

For those struggling with issues like mine, I would say this; What people do us is their sins. But the things we do to ourselves and to others are ours. We have a chance to pattern our lives in the right direction.

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Blogger’s note: Thank you so much for sharing your story. One thing I know is that you will stand strong as long as you remain opened to God. It’s a gradual process, just like a child who through regular feeding develops strong bones and begins to crawl, walk and then run. God will keep you strong. I’m praying and believing that God who has started a deep work in you will complete it.

Dear Parents, May God keep all our children from the pawns of devil’s agents in disguise who seek to destroy the lives committed into our hands. We can’t afford to be prayerless where our kids are concerned. We also can’t leave them unattended to, no matter the demands on our jobs or career pursuit. They are the heritage of the Lord. May the Lord give us wisdom and guide us aright on how to build their lives.

For any person out there who is still bitter from any painful childhood experience, and somehow, out of anger or wrong exposure, you’ve gotten so deep into drugs, pornography and sexual pervasion, you must realize that you are personally responsible and accountable for the way your life eventually turns out. You have a choice to remain in that state or to step into complete deliverance and peace. Jesus seeks to take those pains and release freedom and boundless joy to you.

For prayers and counseling, please send a mail to storyoutlook@gmail.com

PHOTO CREDIT: Internet.

About the author

Ife Grace
Ife Grace

I am a faith blogger with a passion to contribute my quota to the body of Christ. I am also the author of two books: The Reunion and Spring.

7 comments

  • We must ask God for help more than before. I think this is the time everyone should take up the cross of his or her lineage, pray for yet unborn children that the holy spirit should take possession of them just like he did of John the Baptist. Ife God bless you greatly.

  • This is a serious issue that needs the complete attention of parents. It is the seed sown that eventually germinates. May God help our parents to keep jealously the lives entrusted in their hands by God.
    I enjoyed the part that says "What people do to us is their sins. But the things we do to ourselves and to others are ours".
    God bless u for sharing this.

  • Thanks very much sis Ife. God will bless you real good in Jesus name.
    My sister who is a Muslim has 4 kids (2 boys 13 and 11 years and 2girls 9 and 6 years) and is expecting another baby soon.
    Hnmmm! I’ve been so disturbed after visiting my sister in their face me I face you apartment last week Sunday where I saw some brothers living alone in a single room . The place is always very quiet unless my sister is around calling out on her children or the children are playing, you won’t hear too much noise from their passage.
    My sister goes to work as an auxiliary nurse and a times, goes for night duties. The husband is not ready to take care of the kids, he is a mechanic, he leaves them at home without eating most times or even collect money from the drinks the older girl child sold for her mother.
    He has another wife who has 3 kids outside marriage for him.
    The 4 kids usually sleeps on the same mat while the father and mother sleeps in their room only when either of them are at home. The children had to be withdrawn from private school to a public school. This is where I’m going! THERE IS NO TELEVISION IN THE HOUSE and the kids goes to their neighbors room to watch TV. I woke up on Monday disturbed and called my sister to warn her children not to go to neighbor’s room and she was said… Ki ni mo fe shey? Emi ti mo ti lo ibise lataaro. Mo ti so fun won ki Olorun je ki won gbo (what will I do. Me that have gone to work since morning. May God let them hear) . That was when I knew the children goes to neighbor’s room.
    Now there is lockdown, some of them are still at home not going to work and the children too are always at home. My house is far from theirs and my sister is heavy. She needs someone to help her with house chores. What can I do? I’ve praying God’s protection for the children especially for those brothers so that the devil will not use them on those kids.

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