This is what many people think. An attractive woman a.k.a a Proverbs 31 woman, is flawless. So when a woman held in high regards does something wrong, you immediately hear stuff like, ‘How can she do that?’  or ‘I can’t marry a woman like this.’

You see, my post today is not tailored towards disabusing the minds of the society neither do I seek to correct their many unrealistic expectations because people will always find faults at one point or the other.

I am addressing that woman who has become an expert at preserving the facade of a happy life while she struggles so much on the inside. I have a word for that young lady who is bothered about her conduct and confused all the same because she wants to be this perfect, hair on fleek, admirable and confident kind of a woman.

Many years ago, shortly after I left the University, I had one major goal in my mind. To become the Proverbs 31 woman. As I read those verses of the scriptures, I was captivated by the sweetness of her conduct and in my mind, I had a picture of this woman- a seamless fusion of grace and beauty and several times I prayed to be like her and yet it seemed I kept falling short of her standards.

I became frustrated after a while and gave up trying. But there was something I was not seeing at all.

My idea of a virtuous woman was that she was perfect, flawless and made no mistakes. This flaw in my thinking prevented me from enjoying the growth or noticing the workings of God in me.

As I grew in my relationship with the Lord, I discovered that this woman described in those verses of the scriptures became who she was from much pruning and learning which hasn’t even stopped if ever we get to meet such woman physically.

So first of all, don’t beat yourself up for not attaining what you so badly want to see in your conduct. For the Proverbs 31 woman, there was a growth process.


Speaking of growth, this is what actually makes this woman different from other women. She is deliberate about her growth. She desires to get deeply into communion with the Lord and allow the Holy Spirit transform her life.

Let me say this at this point. You didn’t do anything to get to the age you are now, but becoming a woman who opens her mouth in wisdom, having strength and honour as your clothing, receiving praises from your spouse and producing in abundance the fruit of your hands comes by no other means but by deliberately giving place to the Word and allowing it transform your life.

I’m sure at this point you are aware that by  attractiveness, I am not referring to the light skinned, hot legs, large hips, beautiful eyes kind of attractiveness. Scriptures tell us that that in itself is vain

Physical attraction is important no doubt but it fades. After a while, if there is nothing beyond your fine body that draws in your spouse or those around you, they’ll  begin to wonder what attracted you to them in the first place.

There are times when a man would, after many years of marriage, just stare at his wife as if he had just met her, most times what he sees is beyond the skin and the beautiful eyes or big hips. Something deeper, an attraction that flows from the real woman inside makes him react like that.

There is nothing wrong in taking care of the physical body but that shouldn’t be all there is.

God wants to build a beauty within that smells so nice like sweet perfume. God is interested in developing the ornament of a quiet spirit which in his sight is of great price.

So what really makes a woman attractive in the context of the new creation realities?

1. When an area of her life is revealed that she knows is sour and distasteful, she does not give an excuse for it, instead she heads to the throne of grace and ask for help.

2. She has come to realise that she can do nothing on her own. She reminds herself that God is working in her and her part is to stay focused on the finished work of Christ. Oh yeah, she is a woman of faith…

3. This woman rests in God to build in her patience, calmness, humility and selflessness. God’s word is not far from her. She has learnt or is learning to deliberately include spending time with God in her daily schedule.

 4. She is not a religious bigot like the Pharisees who boasts in the length of their fasts and prayers and yet are blind to their terrible ways. Her heart seeks God sincerely and she has learnt to listen and follow the instructions of the Holy Spirit.

5. When some of the transformation processes happen, she doesn’t even realise it because she is too caught up spending time at the feet of her Lord.

6. Because the love of God has been shed in her heart, she is broken and of a contrite heart.

If the Spirit of Him that raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwells in you. Romans 8:11

 There is always the pruning process. Don’t think maturity just jumps on us like that.

There are processes God will allow you go through- some painful, some enjoyable. So while society is mocking her weakness, she keeps her eyes on the cross because she knows that after the fire comes the gold.

Let me end by saying that, to become that amazing woman, getting into a deep relationship with Jesus should be the focus.

Behaviour modification is not an issue because when you deepen your knowledge of Jesus and remain meek to the revelations of the mysteries of Christ, it won’t be long before your actions begin to line up with the true nature you have come to receive.

If you have been rejected by someone you cared deeply about because you acted in a way that seemed awful or you are being looked down upon for one reason or the other, stop complaining and behold God’s word again and again. Enjoy every step of your transformation process as he walks in and through you.

Besides, the Proverbs 31 woman isn’t our ultimate goal as christian women. Jesus is our goal. The super abounding riches of the glory of Christ which is immeasurable and surpasses all that is contained in Proverbs 31 is our portion by reason of our union in Christ.

 …In Christ we live and move and have our being… Acts 17:28

About the author

Ife Grace

I am a faith blogger with a passion to contribute my quota to the body of Christ. I am also the author of two books: The Reunion and Spring.


  • So I stumbled on this link via Facebook and it certainly did justice to my depression. I have been working on an attitude of mine for sometimes now and it seem like I’m not seeing the positive side of it though i have prayed and prayed such that I have even been rejected at some point…
    Without mincing words, this post has enlightened me to Focus more on God and my relationship with him and not being a flawless perfectionist

    Thank you sis… May you not run dry of God’s grace and wisdom!

    Let me get up and go get something to do

    • I’m so glad this helped. The focus should be on him and not on that misconduct. We get frustrated because we focus wrongly. You’ll be surprise how great change you’ll discover by steadfastly focusing on your relationship with Christ.

  • Thanks so much dear…more grace in Jesus name,we need more of people like you,pls keeping inspiring us


Subscribe to newsletter