I loved my ex very much. At the time we were together, I believed without any doubt that he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He was a fine young man with such determination to succeed. He didn’t just blab about creating a good life for himself. He lived it. Apart from the fact that we were deeply in love with each other, we were great friends.

But then it happened. We broke up. Even though God had prepared my heart few days before it happened, I still couldn’t believe it was over.

I still remember that while everybody danced into the new year, Ife Grace was grieving. I was also preparing for a major exam at that time and it was so difficult to concentrate. It was such a difficult time for me. I guess the break-up might have been easier if my ex had been a thorn in my flesh, but when you have a good man who cared for you more than anything else, the pain can be too much to bear.

It was so hard to believe that after a long day at work, I wouldn’t be able to dial his number and give him a run down of how my day went. That he wouldn’t be there to whisper those sweet words and pray with me. That there wouldn’t be opportunities to laugh at his jokes. It sure took me awhile to get back on my feet.

Recently, when two of my friends shared with me the pain that came with relationships that ended abruptly, I wished I could tell them that the hurt would disappear after a few days. I wished I could convince them that in a couple of days, they would forget about the past and move on. If it didn’t happen for me so quickly, why deceive them?

Relationships end for different reasons and the intensity with which it affects the partners depend on how much investment and emotional attachment had been put into the relationship.

Some breakups have led ladies to psychiatric homes while for others, they’ve been able to successfully transit to another relationship within a couple of months. Some are finding it difficult to love again because past experiences keep putting fear and despair in their heart.

Read: Should I tell him how I feel?

I think it’s easier where both parties have discussed the grounds for a break-up.  But where one party just says goodbye or suddenly withdraws without any explanation, that can be tough.

Whatever the case, an end to a relationship is not the end to life. There are still brighter days ahead.

How can a person quickly let go of someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with them anymore.

1. It’s fine to feel the pain.

It’s perfectly okay to cry. Understand that the journey from the pain to emotional stability may take a process. Just like any other emotional pain, healing might take sometime depending on how deeply committed you were in the relationship.

It is possible you’d given your heart 100 percent to the relationship. I mean you worked so hard to see it blossom and yet in the end, it seemed you lost out. If you will allow yourself heal properly, the pain will go away eventually.

Don’t bottle the pain up. Grieve. Face it headlong and deal with it. It’s fine to talk to someone about how you feel. If pouring your heart on paper works for you, go ahead. Give the pain the outlet it requires. Don’t pretend it didn’t get to you. You are human with emotions like everyone else. Accepting your vulnerability is your first step towards healing.

2. Get around spiritual activities that’ll uplift you.

Nothing brings quick healing than when you turn to the Lord. Drag those emotions and pain to your father.

I know that at this difficult time, praying or reading the scriptures might be tough. There’ll be the temptation to get away from anything that relates to spirituality. As much as you can, try to stay connected even if the only thing you can do is listen to spirit filled songs. Let’s say you can’t even bring yourself to listen to those songs, remember that in the silence, God is there with you. He’ll help you. As you gradually regain strength, add other spiritual activities. Get into the Word and spend time finding out God’s mind concerning the situation.

Read: What to do when spiritual activities become boring

3. Remove anything that constantly reminds you of that person.

All those pictures, contacts, videos, messages may still be the reason you are stuck at one point. If you continue to glance at them, you might be tempted to contact them and at some point seem desperate to the other person which will hurt you more.

Take whatever step you feel necessary to cut off contacts until you are properly healed. Even if you were truly convinced about your journey with this person, you’ll need to stay calm to know the next step to take. This can only happen when your emotions are under the control of the Holy Spirit.

Remember also, that man has a free will. Don’t be carried away with the myth that there is only one man for one woman. There are other children of God who will properly fit into God’s plan for you. Rest in God and walk in the instructions he’ll be bringing your way.

4. Get busy.

As the pain stay intense in your heart, rather than sit idly, staring at the ceiling and reminiscing on the good days you had together, get busy. Fill your mind with profitable activities.

That you are no longer in a relationship should not stop you from taking steps towards fulfilling God’s plan for yourself. Even if your purpose has been lost in the other person and you don’t feel like you have a life, take gradual steps, discover and recognize what God wants you to do and begin to walk in the light of God’s Word.

Read: Does God have a plan for my life? 

5. Believe in the amazing plan of your Father.

Be persuaded in your heart that God loves you and he desires the best for you. If God can open our eyes to see the great plans he has for our future, we’ll be stunned at his beautiful plans. Trust that God will order your steps aright and bring a partner who’ll rightly fit into his overall plan.

God has promised he will never leave nor forsake you. He watches his word to fulfill it. Fill your heart with the knowledge of Christ and you’ll find yourself basking in the joy of the Lord.

Receive strength from the Holy Spirit and forge ahead. Always remember that we are never left without a Comforter: The Holy Spirit. Let him comfort your heart.

Howbeit, when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak, and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13.

We are responsible for how quickly we heal from past relationships that meant the world to us. Our actions either move our emotions forward or they keep us stuck at one spot because we have deliberately refuse to let the bitterness and hurt go.

God has the blueprint of our lives in his hands. This should drive us to trust completely in Him.

We know this for sure: Our future is blessed when we release the reins of our hearts to him.

Read: This thing called conviction

A lesson on how God speaks to us

When you say you are in love


About the author

Ife Grace

I am a faith blogger with a passion to contribute my quota to the body of Christ. I am also the author of two books: The Reunion and Spring.


  • This came timely. My relationship ended two months ago but amidst the pain and hurt I still choose to trust it’s for my good and that God will guide me along the best pathway for my life. I’ve not missed out on what’s for me. It’s still for me. Thank you for the article. It’s encouraging

    • Oh…I’m so sorry to hear this. God has great plans for you. I really love your spirit and your faith. You can be assured that no one who trusts the Lord will ever be put to shame.

  • ” We know this for sure – our future is blessed when we release the rein of our heard to Him.”

    Sister Grace, what if we don’t?

    He won’t find a place reign over our lives.
    We will lack His rain of joy.
    And the rein we refuse to release will go out of control. It is a matter of time.
    Why then do we often find it so difficult to let go after the other party has moved on?

    This will really be of help.
    Thank you ma, for yielding to the Lord, as you continue to write life-changing pieces.
    And a life that is in pieces will be a piece again.
    More grace to Grace.

    • Sometimes, it’s difficult to let go because of emotional attachments to the other person. I believe with time, if proper healing is giving space, they’ll will be okay..

  • A relationship I invested so much on ended about 9 months ago but till today I find it very difficult to move on…. The pains are always fresh cause we had no reason to break up and we both knew that God’s hand was in it but anyways it ended…….. I pray God heals me perfectly…… Am sorry to hear about yournl pain too dear aunty and thanks for the counsel and tips

    • Joy, I’m so sorry to hear this. God will perfect your healing. I look back to those years and I’m grateful I trusted God when things didn’t work out.

      His plans for us are for good and not for evil to give us an expected end. This too shall pass.

  • I needed this. Thank you. And i feel sad that a lot of people are also part of this, we will heal by His Grace. Thanks again sis for the timely write up

  • maybe I’m confined in my local town where I reside and maybe I’m not so exposed as well, but I must say in my little years on earth, I haven’t heard people discuss their deeply as this in order to liberate other people. I hear stories of people’s ex but non blessed in sincerity as this. God bless you richly aunty IFE.


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